Winston-Salem, NC, USA

Two very classy people have observed to me how nice it must be to have a daddy who funds big trips.

Yes it would be, I would respond if I were a quicker thinker, except that I'm paying for this myself. (also, I might add, why couldn't it be a mommy who funds a big trip? Huh? Huh?).

And then, since we're in dreamland, I blow a big ol' raspberry in their face, kick them in the shins, and settle comfortably into smug superiority. Suckers.

A lot of people have told me that I'm so brave for undertaking this big trip alone, and what I try to explain, and what they don't care to listen to, is that for me, trotting off on some big trip is MUCH less scary than the thought of staying somewhere for longer than, say, a year at a time.

Paying a mortgage? Getting a pet that lives longer than six months? Having some variety of career? No, no, no. No thank you. I will take my rented apartment, my temp job, and keep my browser on travelocity. Yes I will.

So I might have some issues with long-term commitment. The concept of owning a house is both terrifying and more depressing than I'd care to contemplate. I'm hoping I'll eventually break out of this.

I still don't know what I'm going to do when I get back. It's looking likely that I'll come back to NC (if for no other reason than my friends just might kill me if I don't). My great plan, you see, is that while in NZ I will have an epiphany (did you know you can plan them? I have decided that you can) as to the best career direction ever. Then, when I come back to the states, I can get working on it.

That is my plan. It's foolproof.

Also, today I purchased my plane tickets for California. Oddly enough it was cheaper to buy three one-way tickets than it was to book a multi-destination trip. Go figure.

Winston-Salem, NC

Yesterday I turned in my three weeks' notice. Last week I bought some of my plane tickets.

I should maybe start at the beginning.

The plan, post-Scotland, was always to get away again. Everything I did was temporary -- 6 month rental agreement, temp job, lackadaisical housecleaning habits (I might move at any minute!). Then somehow I'd been working at my job -- my mindless, sunless, corporate, well-paying job -- for a year, my driver's license said I was a NC resident, and I didn't have a damn clue about where to go next.

Because nowhere sounded interesting. Well, that's not entirely true. I was excited about the prospect of going to France, briefly. And then Italy, briefly. Enthusiasm waned -- I wanted somewhere warm, and at the end of it all nowhere sounded exciting.

Really. Nowhere.

I'd stayed in one place too long, my job drove me crazy, and I was depressed. Am depressed. I've been swing dancing once in the past six months (outside of my trip to Scotland) (this may have more to do with the quality of Greensboro dancing than my mood). I still contra dance every Tuesday, but I sit out plenty of dances (it helps that we haven't gotten many exciting bands lately). Lately I've even stopped answering the phone for most people.

While Greensboro felt dull and confined, I couldn't find anywhere else to tempt me. Finally I just settled on New Zealand. My grand reasoning was that I knew it was beautiful landscape and with the immediate searches coming up with 24 hours worth of plane rides to get there, there was absolutely no way I'd be going for a week's visit.

I emailed Lizza, who was spending a year abroad there. I emailed a Kiwi knitblogger. I browsed Lonely Planet. I'm still not excited.

In the end I knew I just had to pick somewhere and go. And so I am. New Zealand, fine. Tickets, fine. I don't know where I'm staying -- or even in what city. And that's fine.

(Though I am feeling nervous).

Yesterday I turned in my three weeks' notice and announced to the litigation support staff that I was leaving. The reaction was mostly shock, sadness, and envy. Since everyone else has families, pets, and houses they can't really pack up and leave for four months.

To be in NZ longer than 3 months you need a visa. I'll be there 87 days.

I am afraid of:
-Not having enough money
-Being out of touch with people (it's a 12-13 hour time difference)
-A 12-fucking-hour plane ride
-Making friends that I won't be able to easily visit
-Heights.

I don't know:
-What to do about my driver's license
-What the fuck I'm doing when I get back.

I'm excited about:
-Sleeping in
-it being springtime when I get there
-Sunshine.

Current plan:

August 11/12: Leave NC for Philadelphia.
August 16-23: Iceland with my folks
September 16-21: California
September 21: Leave for NZ.

Spend some time in Auckland. Visit Wellignton and Christchurch, pick a place to live.

December 19: Return to CA
December 20: Back to Philly.

January: Back to NC?

Quality.